You may be wondering, “Just who are these characters Em made up, anyway?” Good Question! I asked myself the same thing. A lot. The following bit is a writing exersize I did to help me play with my characters. It will not likely make it into the book and may never be available again after this campaign.
But for YOU (or ya’ll or y’ins, depending) I am putting up this Interview Excerpt for your entertainment because, I love.
xxooEmily…pass it on.
“Michael Forrester’s friends Hannah and Sarah agreed to meet with me. After a ridiculous amount of rigmarole (choreographed by Forrester, for his own amusement, no doubt) the lobby of my hotel won out as meeting-place.
Sarah and Hanna have known Forrester for years. They worked together in a touring company, doing children’s theater right after college.
Forrester’s manager gave me a list of topics about which I am not to enquire. Again, this is more nonsense. The list includes: Michael’s romantic relationships, favored sexual positions, his weight, whether he’s had plastic surgery and his opinion on the United States’ debt ceiling.
Three seconds into the interview I feel as though I am being punked. Like Michael, his friends thrive on the ridiculous, pushing past convention and barreling through to absurd. I spent our twenty seven minute interview near tears —from frustration as well as laughter. The following is an excerpt of the interview.
JENNIFER: Did you have a sense years ago that Michael would “make it” so to speak?
Hannah: Make it? He hasn’t made it. Not until he gets his Cover girl contract.
Sarah: Yeah, he has a lot to prove before he’ll get the call from Weight Watchers.
Hannah: Yeah, he needs to go to rehab, gain forty pounds and get divorced from Eddie Fisher.
Sarah: Eddie van Halen.
Hannah: He would never marry Eddie Van Halen. His type is more clean cut.
Sarah: Like Eddie Murphy.
Hannah: Exactly. And don’t think Eddie doesn’t know it, the ego on that guy.
JENNIFER: Did you think right away, ”Wow, this guy’s got that special something”?
Hannah: Yeah, we were pretty sure but then he took antibiotics for it and was fine.
Sarah: We knew he was talented, of course. And,itchy. Very,very itchy.
JENNIFER: What makes Michael stand out at the Fringe Fest? His shows sell out every year and his fans seem especially…
Hannah: Enthusiastic! They love him.
Sarah: He never holds back. He goes all out, every minute of every performance.
Hannah: He is not afraid of looking foolish or unintentionally ironic. He doesn’t care if he looks good. He sings balls-out in this show and he’s got no voice whatsoever.
JENNIFER: What about his reviews from last year? Two critics in particular said he seemed listless and un-engaged.
Hannah: That’s expletive deleted bull crap. Those fucking critics have no idea.
Sarah: Did you know he had to be hospitalized after that show?
Hannah: He had a hundred and four degree fever. He had the expletive deleted flu.
Sarah: Then he caught pneumonia in the hospital.
Hannah: And, a kidney infection.
Sarah: They had to put him in a medically induced coma.
Hannah: Then while he lay unconscious, clinging to life, his room was burgled.
Sarah: And he woke up in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney.
Hannah: He got it back though.
Sarah: Because of the tracking device.
Hannah: Leftover from his days as a covert black-ops sniper.
Sarah: He’s the hottest sharp-shooter on two continents. Seriously, though, he did have a fever.
Hannah: And he did go to the hospital. Except here they call it hospital. Not the hospital.
Sarah: You cross the Atlantic and suddenly parts go missing from your person. I think we need to call Interpol.
JENNIFER: So why do you think Michael has stayed here and not gone back to the States full time?
Hannah: You have to go where the work is. You can call it “America”, by the way, and we won’t pretend to not understand. Canadians.
Sarah: Americans can take themselves too seriously.
Hannah: The British love a fool. They don’t suffer fools, though.
Sarah: That’s profound, Hannah.
Hannah: Yes it is. They like to make fun of themselves and each other.
Sarah: And they love him here because he loves them. They love laughing at him and it makes them feel like they are special because he is using his genius to make fun of them.
Hannah: That’s his gift, really. He makes you feel like you are the only person in the room when he’s with you. He listens so closely to what you say—like with a hundred and ten percent of his attention—
Sarah: It is unsettling when you first meet him. He is king of eye contact and he asks a lot of questions. He studies you, your every move—like maybe you’ll be his next project.
Hannah: He gets a lot of pussy that way.
Sarah: Hannah! Okay, yeah that is true. He always has some girl on the line.
Hannah: Apparently his expletive deleted is ginormous. “